By Lanji Ouko
I do hope this finds you well. The weather is great in Nairobi, and so are we. All is well. Just busy planning our Christmas festivities despite being unemployed. My neighbour, too, is great, since you last checked on the wananchi via Skype. Busy too. You know how it gets, planning Christmas alongside a burial. Her loved one passed away last week, at Kenyatta National Hospital. We do hope he rests in peace.
Mheshimiwa, it brings me great joy to hear about the doctors on holiday. Forgive my lack of exposure but I had a question: I am torn between this debate of oath of practice and the reason behind the medical practitioners “holiday”? The debate would be non-existent had Caesar been paid what belonged to Caesar, but this is not to say I’m blaming you. Why would I?
Is everything okay?
Mheshimiwa, I write to you because I hear things. People are talking in the marketplace, but I do not know whom to believe. The last time I saw you, during the burial at the nearby primary school, last year March, was a memorable occasion. After you delivered your speech, I vividly remembered why I voted you in office. Kusema na kutenda, mheshimiwa. Or did it change to ku-tender? I never can tell these things, you know how it is…
In the market, they believe umesema mengi. But they are poisoning us to believe hujatenda chochote. Mhesh, come and speak to them. Tell these foolish men and women to speak what they know of. For they do not know the trials and tribulations you are going through. Sorry to hear your son knocked the Lexus. Insurance cover? Sorry to hear your wife is unwell, I hear she is back from Venezuela. I hope it went well. Some of these plastic surgeons can be funny, you know!
What a rough year it has been for you. Not forgetting the media fabricating a story about you stealing beans and potatoes. Mkubwa kama wewe, to steal waru na mbosho! Kuweni serious wasee!
Media pia hawana haya; it is time media laws were reviewed, don’t you think?
But mheshimiwa, I am deeply confused. You know, we, as millenials, have often been told, “kazi yetu ni mambo ya Facebook na ma-selfie”. Being a millennial means I suffer from deep intra-personal conflict. One minute I trust you and the next I don’t. Yaani sijielewi. My society requires brutal honesty and, mheshimiwa, sorry to say but, you, your generation and my generation are failing me.
I could be here all day to agree with you, but please allow me to challenge you a bit. Lakini, I know you, you will try challenge me too, because the truth hurts and your oblivion heals you.
Lost hope? Yes, it’s so easy to just lose hope. Unfortunately the “woke voices” are voiceless realistically. We share our voices, but who is our audience? Personally, my audience are my few followers, who challenge me and debate crucial and trivial matters with me, but we are not the guys who “know a guy”, so our grievances are aired during happy hour at Brew Bistro… that’s about it.
What is a millennial you ask. Why do you take advantage of us strategically before funds are released in time for “youth policy ” but our opinions don’t matter once it’s time to “implement youth policy”?
Who is our mouthpiece? Who will make our revolution go viral?
As I said, our generation, too, disappoints me. You have mentioned it too. But how sure are you we are unaware of what Eurobond is, or what NYS is or what … yes, I guess you are right, we don’t even know all of them. But how can we know all of them when the public is constantly in the dark. And for once, KPLC is not to blame.
A society of two hundred thousand Michelle Obamas and millions of Melania Trumps. It bothers me; is she aware of her fan base in Kenya? Let me rephrase: does she know the island in Asia called Nairobi?
A generation of “monkey sees monkey do” but not in touch with crucial national matters or even global matters for that matter. Mheshimiwa, am I to blame for my lack of knowledge?? Aside from Safaricom kuiba bundles, what is my excuse for not growing intellectually? Of course you will be lucky to find a few who actually understand the American Politics extremely well; and just as I discuss Peruvian hair, these young men will spend hours at a pub discussing “Republicans and Democrats”.
A few weeks ago, Kenyans on Twitter woke up to the harrowing story of the death of Alton Sterling. Indeed, it was rather unfortunate but one thing was clear; we are quick to jump on the bandwagon of anything International. Kenyans online protested more against the American police brutality against Alton Sterling compared to the death of our very own Willie Kimani. Indeed, both cases are deeply disheartening and it would be wrong to imply one matters more than the other, but it is a point of concern that we as Kenyans have toned down with the hash tag #IAmWillie but we still continue to repost American celebrities who are advocating for the #BlackLivesMatter.
But it isn’t good enough for us to post updates and tweet to our small crowds. See, we have to jump out of our comfort zone, stand up and voice these issues. One man, Boniface Mwangi, can’t do it all by himself. Mheshimiwa, for Christmas I would like to buy you a book. Unbounded by Boniface Mwangi; “Never tell a young man it is impossible”. A raw, real, pictorial account of what we sugar coat.
Yes, I know you loathe the guy. Well, I don’t know him either, but I just read his book, and now I get it. We hate this man because he has what you lack: courage! Mwananchi, behind your computers, taunting him about not completing school, yet we know you bought your degree in Dubai, with the spare parts of your Subaru! Lakini, hiyo loan rudishia Chase Bank manze!
You hate this man because he is doing what you, my Mheshimiwa, have failed to do for thirty years… or is it twenty-five? You know, time moves fast, when we’re having fun. Mheshimiwa, I want to make everyone uncomfortable, in order for them to open their eyes and live my reality. Theme song, System ya Majambazi by Mashifta. It came out in 2009…
Well, it may be easier to criticise from this side of the fence, and correct me if I’m wrong, but I wish “influencers” and our so called “celebs on Instagram” could use their platforms and hash tag #ShareYourVoice instead of sharing distasteful #Ootd
Mheshimiwa it means,outfit of the day.
Full face of make up, professional photographer, with outfit details descriptions, and an irrelevant caption about patriotism. I love make up, it isn’t the point here so Mwananchi, please don’t try to divert my attention. We are living in a bubble, where life is what we see on E-News, but can you not see the bubble is about to burst?
Noisy, silly digital campaigns for lipstick, when the actual campaign we should launch is how tired we are! Sadly, those mia moja notes you dish out hoping we vote, ask yourself, “Do these youth of mine have voters cards? Are they even registered? Will these millennials stand in the scorching sun as they wait to vote? What if their phone batteries die; how will they charge their cell phones?” As you know we must snap chat our voting process, if we wake up on time to vote, that is.
It gets trickier because hawa mayouth you hope will make it to the polls are also not feeling it this year. Hakuna ma-options. Tumechoka. Last time do you remember what happened when their names were missing and they complained and the police almost caused trouble?
Mheshimiwa, I fear. I fear for my unborn children. I work so hard, but how scary it is, that it may all be for nothing. Our life is an oxymoron as we slave working hard in a stagnant economy robbing itself!
It’s 5:39 a.m., on a public holiday. What Jamhuri day? I refuse to wish anyone a happy Jamhuri day because we should be in mourning for our beloved country as it goes up in flames, or down the toilet – choose one. So today, it is business as usual to reconstruct our land of birth. 53 years since Kenya was identified as a republic?
Let’s come correct
And lastly, Mhesh, I hope you are not vying for the seat again. Try upgrading your status to Senator, Governor or maybe retiring; you have been a member of parliament for too long. How embarrassing to admit… I’m not sure I know if you’re a Senator or an MP, but its fine, right? My excuse is “Mimi ni dotcom.” As you called me, right? Oh well, what do I know?
Nothing much. Nothing. Eurobond? SGR? The Sh400 billion Lamu Coal Project? NYS? The Sh53 billion laptop tendering? The Sh10 billion Geothermal Development Corporation tendering scandal? The flopped Sh50 billion JKIA Terminal tender? Chicken gate? Weston? I know nothing. What I completely don’t know is where you get all these billions. Na hata moja bado sijashika. Oh, there goes my Okoa Jahazi… Later. ^